The word “manners” may seem like a foreign concept when dealing with your preschool child. Preschoolers seem to change and grow hourly. Just when you think you’ve figured out the current phase of development, a new one pops up like dandelions right after you mow! Your child may for the most part, handle social situations well for their age, but parenting a preschooler naturally brings its fair share of cringeworthy moments.

For instance, your child decides to drop their drawers and tinkle in the bushes outside your father-in-law’s funeral or in the bushes outside the community pool. Or, they loudly whisper at your mother’s house, “Mommy, I hope she didn’t make carrot cake again.” Or, they ask if the checker at Target is a boy or a girl.

After you crawl out of your hole of embarrassment you ask yourself, “Is this misbehavior, my child’s misunderstanding, rudeness, or an isolated incident?” Manners and moments like these take careful consideration by a parent or caregiver.

Manners relate to social abilities. And, social abilities during the preschool years wildly vary from child-to-child and age-to-age. Check with your pediatrician or Arkansas Children’s Hospital’s website about what is developmentally-appropriate for your preschooler.

Once you have done this, you are ready to trek the manners mountain. Etiquette, manners and life skills expert, Lisa Gache suggests teaching kids manners is about three R’s. Gache states, “First is ‘raising awareness.’ Share with children the importance of manners and that they touch every facet of our lives. They help us and others feel comfortable.” She says, “Manners are about respecting other people and the Golden Rule. As parents, we should wear that motto.”

Gache says, “The other two R’s are ‘repetition’ and ‘role modeling.’” Parents are to encourage repeating mannerly behaviors, such as saying “thank you” and also being good role models of manners. She also says, “Eye contact is hugely important because it is a way for us to show confidence especially as we get older.”

Family meal time is an excellent opportunity to practice good manners. Arkansas Children’s Hospital suggests numerous studies show that eating together is an important aspect of family life. When a family sits down together, it helps them handle the stresses of daily life. It is helpful to outline expectations for the family dinner. Good manners and communication are taught by example. This is a great time to divide tasks and build self-esteem through positive communication.

Here are other ways to help foster your preschooler’s social abilities and manners:

  • Offer compliments for good behavior and achievements.
  • Encourage your child to talk to you and be open with his or her feelings.
  • Read to your child, sing songs, and talk with them.
  • Spend quality time with your child and show them new experiences.
  • Encourage your child to ask questions and explore.
  • Arrange times for your child to be with other children, such as play groups.
  • Give your child chances to make choices, when appropriate.
  • Limit television watching to one hour a day.

Although understanding and incorporating these tips into your preschool parenting toolbox will help significantly, they won’t guarantee perfect behavior. After all, kids are kids. Awkward family moments serve as teachable moments. They are also perfect fodder for storytelling and laughter at future family gatherings.

Manners by the Page:  Preschool Book Picks

  • “The Berenstain Bears Forget Their Manners” by Stan and Jan Berenstain
  • “The Children’s Book of Manners” by Sophie Giles, Sue Lloyd & Kate Davis
  • “Rhino? What Rhino?” by Caryl Hart
  • “Sock Monkey Manners for Kids: 6 Tips for Marvelous Playdates” by Bethany Bennett Shackleford
  • “Suppose You Meet A Dinosaur” by Judy Sierra & Alfred A. Knopf
  • “Watch Your Tongue, Cecily Beasley” by Lane Fredrickson