As I shared on this month’s Quirks & Curiosities page, our family has recently gotten hooked on reruns of “Leave It To Beaver.” Ironically, one of the latest episodes we enjoyed was about the Cleavers' teen, Wally, bringing home an old junker car he planned to refurbish. At the height of parental angst, Ward Cleaver sarcastically asks, “June, at times do you get the feeling of helplessness, frustration, and extreme rage?” Doe-eyed June responds, “Yes, dear. I guess it’s only natural. After all, we’re the parents of a teenager.”

I laughed out loud partly because I was working on this article, but mostly because I’m the parent of one teenager and one soon-to-be-teenager. Right now, we all still really like each other. Stay tuned for future articles. That may change next time the wind blows or a new mood swing strikes.

You, our beloved readers, have asked us to cover this touchy topic. So, I tapped into some of our community’s great local resources for assistance. Here’s what they shared.

Dr. Brandi Whitaker, Pediatric Psychologist at Arkansas Children’s Hospital

Teens are so moody because, adolescence is a time of cognitive, emotional and social maturation that is a challenge to navigate. A major developmental milestone of adolescence is developing and recognizing a consistent self-identity. Teens are learning to balance their strengths and limitations and look to their peers for referencing. Part of this process includes questioning family values and exploring alternatives to better learn who they are. This can create internal conflict which is emotionally uncomfortable and makes it difficult for young people to regulate their emotions. Teens begin spending less time with their families and more time with their peers to develop more autonomy. Socially, teens look to develop intimacy and loyalty with their friends. Teens report their moods are best when with friends and most difficult to manage when with their families.

It is important for parents and caregivers to support teens in developing their autonomy through monitoring activities; use consistent control and discipline with explanations, having democratic conversations when making decisions and model conflict-resolution skills. Teens who feel they are allowed to discuss their opinions and be a part of decisions that impact them are overall more content. It is also important for caregivers to monitor teens’ moods and overall functioning as there is an increased risk of anxiety and depression in adolescence.Parents should contact their doctor or counselor if a teen has grades that fall suddenly, appears withdrawn from his/her families and friends or appears to have difficulty preforming daily tasks.

Janet Breen, LPC, therapist at Methodist Counseling Clinic in Little Rock, a program of Methodist Family Health

It is normal behavior to have a moody teen. The teenage years bring a flood of emotions as youth experience physical, emotional, and psychological changes in their body. Teens today report a number of reasons for moodiness including the everyday struggles they face at school and at home. At school there is academic pressure with keeping up with grades and their homework. Some teens are high achievers and put pressure on themselves or may feel pressure from their family members to perform well and get into a good college or profession.

Teens see themselves through the eyes of their peers. Often times they experience hurtful drama, gossip, or bullying at school which results in feelings of powerlessness resulting in poor self-esteem which can lead to symptoms of anxiety and depression.

Other reasons for moodiness include not feeling good physically, lack of sleep, poor eating habits, fatigue, hormonal changes, and roller coaster relationships. At home, too many questions by parents, annoying siblings, and not having enough privacy are often reasons for moodiness. Older teens worry about their future and struggle with the big question “What will I do with my life?” They have doubts and concerns if they will be successful in living independently, and desperately want their freedom. Teens report that they want to be treated like an adult from their parents but often the “trust factor” is the missing link in the parent/teen relationship which leads to poor choices and problem solving skills.

Some practical ways for parents to handle their teen’s moody behavior include: Learn about the teenage brain. It will help you gain perspective on this developmental stage and the reason for teen emotional responses. Connect where you can. Make an effort to understand what is happening in your teen’s life. Be available to talk. let your teen vent and let them see that you care. Don’t take it personally if they are not open to this initially or dismiss your offer. Try again. And, do not patronize them or trivialize their problems, but instead listen and offer whatever advice you can.

If the moodiness continues and does not seem to stop, you may want to look into getting professional help for your teenager as they may be suffering from a psychological problem such as depression or anxiety.

Tracy Caldwell, LCSW at Youth Home, Inc.

In working with teenagers and families, I have learned that the transition from childhood to adolescence is difficult. We expect our teenagers to act like little adults, but research shows their brain is not developed enough to make adult decisions.

Many parents forget that this is a phase and will pass when you are caught up in the middle of it. Keeping your emotions in check and yourself calm is helpful. If you need a break, take it and come back later to discuss whatever you are concerned about.Some of the things that adolescents say help them are having parents who:

1. Ask questions and set clear expectations. They can blame their parents when peers ask them to do something they know they should not do.
2. Do not interrupt or preach to them. This feels degrading. They do not listen and instead just come up with things to argue about.
3. Do not embarrass them. Their self-esteem is usually shaky and they do not want parents who make fun of them or their thoughts/beliefs.
4. Do not want to be their friends. They need to feel parents are in charge and keep them safe. They do not want parents who act or dress like they do or want to hang out with their friends.
5. Do not overreact when they say something stupid or act moody or dramatic. They want you to remain calm.
6. Acknowledge their views and challenges and help them come up with solutions.
7. Give them their space. When they need to go to their room and chill out, allow them to do that.
8. Have fun with them and plan and enjoy the good times.
9. Encourage healthy habits but do not force them on the teenager.
10. Encourage them to talk to a friend’s parents or relative who can talk with them without the emotion involved.

If you feel, your teen is unsafe, it may be time to seek professional help. Therapists are trained to help teenagers and families navigate these difficult years.

Click here for suggested parenting resources from these local experts.