We like to believe mother knows best. After all, a mother’s intuition is that sixth sense that alerts her to what her child needs and when.

But when a woman becomes a mother for the first time, she may not automatically feel that instinct.

While some new mothers may feel completely overwhelmed and defer to their mothers (or mothers-in-law) for all answers, others may be unconvinced that their own mothers are the best source of information, as child-rearing guidelines seem to change daily.

There have been major changes in recent decades regarding such issues as sleeping and car seat safety – to name a few.

Tracy Goodwin, a labor and delivery nurse for Saline Memorial Hospital in Benton, explains that even as they sift through an onslaught of information themselves, new mothers may need to be prepared to share some of that guidance with their own mothers – particularly if they also will be serving as caregivers.

Saline Memorial, like many hospitals, places a strong emphasis on sleep safety. The hospital is part of a program called the Safer Way to Sleep, which replaces the traditional blankets in the well-baby nursery and NICU with a free supply of wearable blankets that swaddle to model a safer alternative for parents.

“In spite of what grandma may say, babies don’t need extra blankets, stuffed animals or pillows in the crib – these can interfere with baby’s breathing,” Goodwin said. “A footed sleeper and a swaddle sleep sack or swaddle blanket is all they need. Research also has shown that putting babies down to sleep on their backs is safer.”

The tension between what the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends and what parents (and, perhaps grandmother) feel works for their family isn’t new. Goodwin says that experts advised parents to put babies to sleep on their stomachs for decades until multiple studies revealed that it doubled the risk of SIDS. Since 1994, when pediatricians began recommending babies sleep on their backs, SIDS rates have halved, but some questioned the reversal of advice at the time.

The mother-turned-grandmother also may encourage her daughter to let the hospital staff care for her newborn in the nursery so that she can be well rested before going home. Decades ago, hospital nurseries were the norm – the place newborns went immediately for the duration of the hospital stay, only to be brought to their moms for feedings.

Today, Goodwin says many labor and delivery departments now promote a crib in the room with mom and skin-to-skin contact.

“This means the full-term, healthy baby is placed belly-down, directly on the mother’s chest, right after birth, for at least an hour,” Goodwin says. “Benefits include establishing a bond right away between mother and child, helping baby stay warm and providing comfort and making breast-feeding easier.”

In a state like Arkansas, which has a low rate of breast-feeding, Goodwin points to these examples of an effort to increase this figure by offering support to new mothers, many of whom may not receive the encouragement from their mothers.

While Grandma probably won’t argue with the regulation infant car seat, she may push for making the move to forward facing by age 1.

However, the American Academy of Pediatrics has made several major updates to its guidelines on usage and safety over the last two decades, the latest of which is that all infants and toddlers should ride in a rear-facing seat until they are at least 2 years old or, preferably, until they reach the maximum weight or height allowed by the car seat manufacturer.

Dr. Susan Sobel, director of the Counseling Center at the University of Central Arkansas, offers tips for setting boundaries with this new relationship. Naturally, one size does not fit all.

“I do think that one healthy boundary is that the grandparents shouldn't be able to override the parents on managing behavior unless the parenting behavior is clearly harmful to the child,” Sobel said. “Many grandparents will have their opinions – which can be very valuable; they've done this already! Some are more forceful about making them known. Some parents are fine with the grandparents having equal authority and input, and depending on the family set up – for example, if all three generations live in the same home – this is actually more effective.”

As long as what they are saying or doing is not harmful, Sobel recommends hearing the grandparents out. It’s important to thank them for their input, but at the same time be firm in your decision.

Emphasizing that choosing to do things differently than they did “does not necessarily mean you are being critical of how you were raised, simply that you believe your way will work for you and your child,” Sobel says.

And perhaps the best way for the new mother to achieve balance?

“Be open to admitting mistakes and asking for advice as well,” Sobel says.

Ideally, this new relationship eventually will allow mother and daughter to appreciate each other more fully.

April Fatula is the media relations specialist for Eric Rob & Isaac. She lives in Searcy with her husband and three children and dreams alternately of being a travel writer and drinking her coffee while it's still hot.