As parents, we want our children to grow up with good self-esteem, a healthy body and the desire to be kind to others – particularly those who are different from them. But we can’t rely on pediatricians, teachers or coaches to equip them with those tools; it’s up to us.

Our kids don’t learn how to tie their shoes or brush their teeth through osmosis; we have to teach them. The same is true for the values we want them to learn, such as the importance of healthy eating habits or why it’s wrong to tease others about their weight.

Just as obesity is not only about food, body image is not only about weight. The best approach to teaching these lessons to our children is to focus on health and behavior rather than numbers or appearance. And it’s important to begin the conversations from an early age.

In its most basic terms, body image is an individual’s perceptions, feelings and beliefs about their body. This includes how the individual believes others view their body and how they believe their body fits with what is viewed as normal.

Many things influence how people look – including size, weight, build, skin, appearance, gender, fashion, religious identity and culture. Positive body image is feeling good about yourself and your appearance. Negative body image, also called body dissatisfaction, occurs when individuals view their body unfavorably.

Body image is independent of the actual appearance of a person, and issues are not just about weight concerns. Some people are underweight and still are not confident in the way they look.

As a weight loss surgeon, when patients come to see me, I don’t focus on their weight so much as the reason why they are coming to see me. Reasons such as, “I can’t climb a flight of stairs without getting short of breath,” or “My knees hurt, and I want to be able to play with my kids outside.”

It’s the same approach with our kids. We should avoid conversations about dieting and weight, instead focusing on eating healthy and being active. Our own attitudes about food and body shape affect our kids’ relationship with weight. So even though we assure our kids that they are just right the way they are, and their value isn’t defined by their appearance, we must make sure we make the same statements when it comes to talking about other people – including ourselves. Fretting about how you look in a swimsuit or making comments about how others do can send a negative message to your kids.

And if your child does use the dreaded “f-word” to describe another person? Tell him or her that the word “fat” can be insensitive, and we don’t want to hurt people’s feelings. Then use the opportunity to reaffirm your family’s attitude: that weight is only one measure of health, and that people come in all shapes and sizes. And that is what makes the world great.

Dr. Kristin Patton is Metabolic and Bariatric Surgery Director at Saline Memorial Hospital. With advanced training in minimally invasive and robotic surgery, Patton specializes in bariatric surgery with smaller incisions, shorter hospitalization and faster recovery.

She has a 2-year-old son and is expecting another child in early 2018. She and her family live in Benton.