The majority of parents are in support of sexuality education being taught in schools. However, wouldn’t it be great if kids were taught about sexual health by their parents, too? Many parents received little to no formal sex education, and the thought of talking to their kids about sex makes them uncomfortable, to say the least. But parents need to start educating their children about sexuality before preschool. Yes, you read that right. Sexuality education is not just about sexual behaviors. Being proactive when it comes to sexuality education is important, as it is better for children to be educated than to experience it on their own.

Ages 0-3

Important times for learning about love, touch and trust from the parents. The importance of this cannot be understated. Every day, parents should hold their babies – without any distractions – as much as possible to create a bond, which fosters trust that transfers beyond trusting their parents well into affecting them as future adults in intimate relationships.

Learn body parts. Use correct terminology and avoid “cutesy” or other alternative names for genitals. When parents use alternative words for genitals, they may unknowingly send their child the message that these body parts are shameful, inappropriate to talk about, and/or that the parent is uncomfortable talking about these body parts. Additionally, these alternative names for genitals may affect the child’s ability to accurately report sexually abusive incidents.

Ages 4-6

Genital touching and self-exploration. Parental response is important. If the child experiences a harsh negative response, they may grow up to believe that their genitals are shameful. It is better to respond to these situations using them as an opportunity to provide basic information about their bodies and discuss privacy.

Learn “good touch, bad touch.” By now they should know to keep their hands to themselves, what type of touch is appropriate, and how to say “no” to any touch that makes them feel uncomfortable.

Teach refusal skills. Role-play with your children, asking them how they would respond given different scenarios, such as a coach asking to give them a back massage, a stranger asking to give them a hug, a neighbor asking them to come inside for ice cream, a classmate asking to play “house” or “doctor,” etc.

Help them understand that being different is okay. Body acceptance is a very important part of sexual health. Children still idolize their parents at this age, so providing compliments to your child as well as a child different from yours will be effective. For example, saying “Don’t you think her curly hair is unique and pretty?”

Be prepared to answer questions about sex. Your child will probably ask a variation of the question, “Where do babies come from?” At this age, they are really wanting to know where, more so than how. Telling your child, “Babies grow in the mom’s uterus, which is a special place inside the mom,” will most likely satisfy them at that age.

Ages 7-10

Now, be prepared to answer how are babies made. Be proactive so that you will know how to respond, and most importantly, be comfortable when answering. Do some internet research to review parental responses that best meet your comfort level, but are honest. Once kids find out the parents are lying to them, they will be less likely to continue to ask you questions. Instead, they may seek answers from less credible sources, such as their friends or the internet.

Refusal skills. Continue to go over relevant scenarios with your child, asking how they would respond given various situations, such as an internet “friend” asking for their location, a peer asking to kiss them behind the bleachers, a friend encouraging them to prank another student “for fun,” etc.

Puberty. Teach your child what’s going to happen and what changes to expect. If you give your child a book, make sure you follow up with an opportunity for them to ask or write down questions for you to answer.

Sexual and gender minorities. It is important for children to understand that stereotypes are harmful and unfair, that LGBT youth are people, and that all persons should be respected. If acceptance goes against your beliefs, then at the very least teach your child tolerance.

If the child grows up feeling that the parent is untruthful or uncomfortable talking about sexual health, they will avoid talking to the parent and get their information – and possible misinformation – from their friends, siblings or the internet.

The following websites offer additional resources for parents: AdvocatesForYouth.org, SIECUS.org and Rutgers.edu.

Dr. Heather Hudson is an associate professor in the College of Health & Behavioral Sciences at the University of Central Arkansas.

She has taught sexuality education for nine years and has published several articles involving sexuality education and sexual health issues regarding adolescents and young adults.