It’s that time of year. Everyone is getting ready for the bustling spring sports season. Athletic stores are stocking up on gloves, soccer balls, bats and shin guards—and teams are ordering dozens of trophies.

Awards and compliments are beneficial for growth, but can do more harm than good if there is no differentiation. Kids can build expectations of praise in a society of pats on the back. What happens when constructive criticism or the dreaded terms “fail” or “loss” enter the field of life?

If the expectation is “great job,” even if the job really wasn’t that great, I dare to say we do our children a disservice. The truth is that almost every game has a winning team and a losing team. We are seeing a generation that does not know how to deal with failure because they have never been taught how. The result—many are quitting altogether.

We have the opportunity as parents and coaches to leverage these formative years of childhood sports to position our children for future success. As a dad and as Executive Director of Kanakuk Ministries, here are a few things I have learned about developing a healthy view of competition.

Be Realistic
No one can win all the time. Kids need to know there are winners and losers throughout life. Help them self-evaluate by asking good questions. If they didn’t play a good game, help them understand why they may not have played their best. It’s not the end of the world if they find themselves on the losing end sometimes—it can be seen as an opportunity to grow.

Winning is Not the Goal
Teach your child that winning is not the goal of competition. At Kanakuk, we use competition to teach kids how to be respectful and hardworking, good teammates, and how to handle adversity. It all goes back to the “why” of competition, which is to learn how to treat others and do our personal best. That is what separates the healthy and the unhealthy.

Let Them Struggle
Allowing kids to participate in team sports and competition provides so many advantages down the road. Don’t be so eager to solve their problems. Let them work it out on their own and encourage them to take risks.

Most good things in life require discipline and hard work. Competition allows kids to experience “real life” in a safe way. Everyone has to work hard to achieve goals. If someone can learn to work well with others for a common purpose at an early age, they will be better equipped for future challenges, opportunities and successes.

Teachable Moments
Don’t miss the teachable moments after failure or loss. Ask good questions. It’s okay to mess up and fail. Not every drawing has to go on the fridge, right? Help them understand what is important in life.

Failure, or losing, can be a good thing. Character is built through failure, not success. Almost all good things in life come through struggle. More than likely, the major “learning markers” you remember in life came through struggle.

Encourage Your Kids
A great way to make the most of the formative years of childhood sports is through giving a healthy amount of encouragement. This does not mean only speaking compliments. Kids want and need feedback. Praise and constructive feedback can both be encouraging when packaged right.

Bolster Identity
Also, make sure your child knows that his or her worth is not determined by what they do on the field or court. Your love and delight in them is not wrapped up in the scoreboard. If kids are secure in that truth and know that you are “there for them,” then they will be more receptive to constructive feedback.

Likewise, as a parent, you need to know that your child’s success or lack of success in sports does not indicate what kind of parent you are. However, having a child who is coachable, respectful, a great teammate, mentally tough, resilient, and gives their best IS a direct reflection of parenting. Make sure your kids know what is important.

Whether your child is a mathlete, the star of the soccer team or in the beginning of his or her very first competitive endeavor, be encouraged. You have the unique privilege of being his or her parent and guide. You can be there to help give him or her the life tools and character to stand out, grow and lead. The future is bright.