Carter McMillen Flourishes with Early Intervention, Therapies and Love
In the book “Children Learn What They Live”, author Dorothy Law Nolte says, “If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence. The root meaning of the word encouragement is ‘to give heart.’ When we encourage our children, we give them courage from our hearts to theirs. It is our job to help and support them while they develop the skills and confidence they need to stand on their own. This can be a very delicate matter: Knowing when to step in and when to step aside.”
This sums up the parenting style of Cash and Breanna McMillen. Their 3-year-old son Carter lives with encouragement and certainly learns confidence day by day. “We encourage him to do things on his own as much as we can, even when things are hard and seem impossible,” says Breanna. “There’s nothing more rewarding than when we’ve been working on something and it finally clicks for him. The hugs, kisses and cuddles are pretty great too!”
Cash and Breanna McMillen come from close, encouraging families with common interests in enjoying the outdoors and time with relatives. The two were high school sweethearts that dated on through college and then married.
Later they found out Carter was on the way. “I think it’s safe to say we experienced the full range of emotions from excitement to fear. I think we were too naive to have concerns about anything when we were pregnant. We had this dream of how we thought our lives and family would be, so we never even considered that things could turn out any way other than how we had imagined,” Breanna shares.
Cash says, “Our parents think Carter hung the moon. They completely spoil him, but do draw the line with bigger stuff. They’re definitely proud of him.”
Breanna states, “Carter is a good mixture of both of us. He’s stubborn and likes to have the last word like Cash and he tends to be very independent like me. His biggest interest is music. He’ll break out singing “Leaning on the Everlasting Arms” or “I’ll Fly Away” at any given moment. He uses our coffee table as a stage and gets out his guitar and microphone and sings to music videos. He also enjoys playing baseball, reading books, riding horses, and doing gymnastics. He never meets a stranger and is constantly trying to make people laugh! I think he’s definitely an entertainer in the making.”
Breanna shares the story of Carter then and now:
Carter was 2 days old. His pediatrician came in with a look on his face that screamed something was wrong. We had noticed that Carter was looking a little yellow and assumed he had jaundice. While the doctor did tell us that Carter did have jaundice, he also told us that he felt there was a 60-70 percent chance he also had Down syndrome. He went on to describe some markers that he had observed: a simian crease in his right hand, poor muscle tone, almond shaped eyes. However, his heart sounded great, the crease was only in one of his hands, and he was eating like a champ. The doctor couldn’t tell for sure so we had to wait two weeks for his genetic testing to come back.
There were so many emotions. We were relieved that it was just Down syndrome. I remember rejoicing that he didn’t come in to tell us that our child had cancer or wasn’t going to live!
No one wants to hear that something is wrong with their child, and you never want to hear that your child is going to have a tough life from the very get go. We mourned the loss of the hopes and dreams we had for the child we thought we were going to have and then regained them when we realized that Down syndrome didn’t make them impossible. And we immediately began to research: What can we do as Carter’s parents to give him the fullest life and help him develop to his fullest potential?
When Carter was just a few weeks old we started asking about placing him in therapy. Everything we read said that the sooner we could get him in therapy the bigger advantages he would have in life. Even though Carter had poor muscle tone, he was meeting milestones and wouldn’t qualify for therapy. Finally, when he was 5 months old he qualified for occupational therapy. Around 9 months he qualified for physical therapy, and several months later qualified for speech. Somewhere along the line we found out about The Center for Early Learning at Pediatrics Plus, which is a developmental daycare. Basically that means there are children with special needs in the daycare, and children without special needs. We felt that surrounding him by typically developing children would challenge him more. It made a huge difference in Carter’s development and was a great support system for us! A couple of months after Carter’s second birthday we started him in gymnastics at Sonshine Academy. It’s like having him in extra physical therapy, except there are several children doing it with him and we get to be involved as well. He also has done riding therapy at Sunrise Riders in Greenbrier. As far as Carter’s concerned, he was just taking horseback riding lessons, but in reality the amazing volunteers are constantly working his muscles and helping him improve his fine and gross motor skills.
About a year ago, Carter received a scholarship through The Precious Baby Ministries to a program called the National Association of Child Development. It’s a neurodevelopmental program that is specifically designed for each child in the program. They meet with Carter quarterly, sometimes this is in Dallas and sometimes we Skype with them. They observe him, ask us questions, and figure out what his needs are. Based on the assessment, they send us a program specific for Carter. This program is designed to repeat activities over and over again every day, where traditional therapy is usually a few times a week. Carter has a coach in the program who guides and directs us through everything. I can’t imagine where Carter would be today if we hadn’t started him in NACD. We saw almost immediate results.
We are blessed with families who are both amazing support systems. Cash’s mom kept Carter when he was an infant and used to run him back and forth to all his therapies. Both of our families are involved with helping us push him too. They understand that even though something might be hard for Carter, that doesn’t mean you have to do it for him. That is actually a really hard thing to do. Probably one of the hardest! Also, every year our friends and family attend the Annual Buddy Walk. It’s a one-mile walk that promotes awareness and inclusion of people with Down syndrome.
As far as networking goes, one of our biggest assets is a private Facebook group called Buddy Talk. It’s a group of families who have all been connected and share concerns, joys, questions, and resources. Most of the families have children with Down syndrome, but not all. Odds are if we think of a question about something, there’s another parent that’s been there, done that, and has advice to share with us. Everyone in the group shares a bond and understanding that is sometimes hard to find.
We hope that our children are able to live in a world one day free of harsh judgments and incorrect stereotypes. We hope that they are able to change people’s perspectives and remove doubts and fears.