Editor’s Note: There are instances—chronicled daily—of people’s lives torn apart by substance abuse and depression. Some are high-profile like that of creative genius Robin Williams, while some are cases of local teens harming themselves or others. All are troubling. All are heart breaking. All are preventable. Little Rock Family is partnering with The BridgeWay for a series of four articles over the next few months called “Voices” to provide the perspective of a significant adult in a child’s life, the child themselves, and the professional’s points of view. Everyone needs to be heard and understood when dealing with addiction and subsequent depression. It is our hope this series of articles will encourage someone to seek help and healing before it is too late.

The Parent's Voice

Beth savored the rich flavor of her coffee while sitting in the cafe and awaiting her close friend, Sheila. Yet, her mind wandered to the recent behavior of her daughter, Suzanne. She and her husband, Mike, were becoming concerned about the direction their 13-year-old daughter was taking.

As soon as Sheila arrived, she could sense that Beth was distracted. After they talked about the daily challenges of striking a balance between working and raising a family, Sheila asked Beth what was weighing on her mind.

“I’m really worried about Suzanne,” Beth replied. “She has changed and I can’t quite figure out why or what is causing those changes.” “Well,” Sheila countered, “she is a teenager after all. Perhaps you’re overthinking it a bit.” “I don’t think so,” answered Beth, “I’m really troubled.” “So what’s going on?” Sheila asked.

“Her grades have dropped,” Beth said, “which is troubling enough, but she just doesn’t seem to care about school or even the extra activities. As soon as she started getting D’s in her classes, we grounded her but allowed her to continue with cheerleading, student council and the church youth group.” “And did that work?” Sheila asked. “Then, she said she wanted to quit the cheerleading squad and drop student council. Although we convinced her to stay with those activities, she has been late to cheer practice many times, skipped several council meetings and isn’t as involved in the youth group. “Wow, I thought she loved cheer, especially now that she’s on the varsity squad,” Sheila said. “I know,” said Beth. “And if she is late again, the coach said she would be dropped to the junior squad.”

“Plus,” Beth added, “Suzanne doesn’t spend time with the friends she’s had. She skipped council to be with some other kids who just don’t share the same interests as Suzanne.” “Where were they,” Sheila asked.” “Just hanging out on campus,” Beth said, “and some of the kids were smoking and drinking.” “That’s not good,” Sheila said, “what did Mike say about that?” “He’s been so stressed with work that he’s pushed most of this onto me, and he’s drinking more than usual.” “Beth, I’m so sorry,” Sheila consoled. “Anyhow,” Beth said, “we took away her phone and internet privileges since that’s how she came in contact with that group of kids.”

“Has she said how she feels?” asked Sheila. “Hard to tell,” Beth replied, “her mood shifts from being angry to shutting down. And when we ask her what’s going on, she says she doesn’t want to talk about it, runs to her room and sleeps.” “That must feel like a no-win situation for you and Mike,” offered Sheila. “It is—for the whole family,” added Beth.

The Adolescent's Voice

“What about me?” shouted Suzanne as she ran to her room. “Mom and dad are too busy to listen to me even if I did tell them what’s going on,” she thought. “There’s just too much going on—school, cheer, council, church group, babysitting my little brother, a new school. I feel like I can’t keep up and I’m really frustrated and sad. Why can’t they see that? I didn’t want to drink—not really—but I didn’t know how to say no…and I still don’t.”

The Professional's Voice

“While some of the signs may indicate Suzanne has a problem with alcohol or drugs,” says Megan Holt, LCSW, Director of Clinical Services at The BridgeWay, “some of the other signs may point to the growing pains associated with adolescence. Yet, from our experience, we have found that a chemical dependency problem is more likely if one notices several of these signs at the same time. This is especially true if the symptoms occur suddenly, or if some of them are extreme in nature.”

  • Mood changes: flare-ups of temper, irritability, and defensiveness
  • School problems: poor attendance, low grades, and/or recent disciplinary action
  • Rebellion against family rules
  • Friend changes: switching friends and a reluctance to let you get to know the new friends
  • Desire for belongingness: a need to “fit-in” or an inability to sustain against peer pressure
  • A careless attitude: sloppy appearance, a lack of involvement in former interests, and general low energy
  • Physical or mental problems: depressed mood, memory lapses, poor concentration, increased headaches, bloodshot eyes, lack of coordination, or slurred speech
  • Alcohol presence: finding it in your child’s room or backpack or smelling alcohol on his or her breath

“We have also seen that alcoholism tends to run in families,” says Holt. “In Suzanne’s case, she may be predisposed to this disease due to her father’s abuse of alcohol.”

According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, genes are responsible for about half of the risk for alcoholism. Yet, genes alone do not determine whether someone will become an alcoholic. Environmental factors account for the remainder of the risk.

“It is difficult for many parents to accept that their child might be using alcohol or other substances and is in need of professional help,” says Holt.” Typically, when they learn of their child’s usage, most parents are shocked and begin to question their parenting skills. However, when seeking help for a child who drinks, it is important not to blame yourself or your child. Instead, it is crucial to act now to help your child stop using substances. There is still hope for Suzanne—no matter what or how long she has been using.”